Episode 8: Click Here!
SHOW DESCRIPTION
Are you and your spouse not on the same page with money? Are you playing on two different teams and not winning with your money? Are you ready to win with money as a couple and to pursue your financial dreams and goals together? This episode is for you!
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- Learn what successful teams do to win together and be successful
- Learn 9 important questions to ask during your monthly budget meetings
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CONNECT WITH MICHAEL KOPANS
IF YOU LIKE THIS EPISODE HERE ARE MORE
Episode 7 (PART 1) – $1,000 Emergency Fund in 30 Days (30 Ideas for Creating an Income)
Episode 6 – How to Create a Budget
FULL SHOW NOTES
Episode 8
Hello and welcome to the Success by 1,000 Wins Podcast. The show that encourages you to succeed with your money one win at a time. (property of @successby1000wins) I’m your host, Michael Kopans. And I invite you to join me each week as I give you actionable wins for your finances that help you to reach a millionaire dollar net worth. I have studied and learned from the greats. Money principles which I have implemented into my own life.
The millionaires have spoken and I have listened. The clues are out there. They have left the trail of breadcrumbs. The principles for financial success have been carved in stone. And they are achieved by one win at a time.
My belief is that winning, or wins, helps us succeed with our money. Sometimes it takes 10 wins, sometimes it takes 100 wins, sometimes 1,000. Succeeding takes consistency and an obsession to succeed, an obsession to carry on even when things get hard. Even when things seem to be going backwards or they seem like you haven’t moved forward in awhile.
As I’ve said before, I don’t want you to stop, I don’t want you to give up because YOU don’t want to give up. Sometimes we fall down, so do I. I promise you I have seen some LOW times in my life. And we need to get back up again. What was that famous line in Batman? Why do we fall down Bruce? So we can learn to get back up again. When you fall, I want to be there to help and encourage you back up.
This is episode number 8 – Marriage and money. How to have a winning monthly budget meeting with your spouse.
As I am recording this it is February 6th. A gloomy and cold day in Surfside Beach South Carolina.
It is the day after the US shot down the chinese spy balloon.
Yesterday afternoon created a tremendous amount of excitement in my family as the balloon LITERALLY went over my house, a mile over head or however high in the sky it was.
A half dozen jets circled the balloon over and over again as it slowly made it’s way toward the Atlantic ocean which is barely a mile from our home.
Where probably an hour later we witnessed the balloon being shot down over the ocean. Debree scattering all over the sky.
And exciting day filled with mixed feelings and so many questions surrounding the balloon, the chinese government, our government and the decision making process they went through.
Either way. Life goes on and there is still money to be made, debts to pay off. Financial freedom to be obtained.
Today I want to talk marriage and money.
I will NEVER pretend I am an expert at this or that my wife and I have this perfectly figured out.
It is a WORK, in, progress!
I would imagine until the day we die or perhaps when we reach a level of financial freedom so great, that we may perhaps ourselves do better at this.
But, just because a person can’t be a star in the NBA, doesn’t mean they can’t be a great coach, right? Or share some wisdom from the greats and those who came before him.
So, I come before you today with ideas.
Ideas for husband and wives, spouses, to find some common ground, to have some ideas, a framework of ideas and questions for learning to work together each month with your money.
Because I personally don’t believe that a married couple can win on their own.
I’ve never read stories or studies that share about couples who retired successfully and with financial dignity having done it alone. Finances separate. Budget separate.
Now, I’ve heard PLENTY of stories where people are successfully preparing for their divorce.
Husband and wife keep money separate. Budget separate. Pay for things separately. Retirement is theirs and their spouses retirement pot…is not.
Congratulations to those people. They KNOW they are going to fail so they are getting ready for their inability to fight for their marriage. To work as a team. To win together. To have each others backs when times get hard.
Could you image waking up daily next to a person who is sending a CLEAR message, if times get tough, it’s every man for himself?
Or, if you go through hard times, you’re on your own. Even though I COULD help you.
It’s my money. I’m doing good over here.
Or perhaps, if you’re going through tough times, you can come BEGGING me for some of MY money. I may give you some, or let you borrow some. But…you owe me interest.
Friends…what kind of existence is that? I pity the person in a relationship like that.
Blessed is the man, or woman, who does NOT walk in the counsel of fools!
Stop taking advice from people who want to set you up to fail.
Surround yourself with people who KNOW you can win!
So, I’m going to do two things today.
First, I want to share what being on a team looks like for a married couple – if my prologue or opening rant hasn’t done that so far.
Secondly, I want to share with you a list of questions to consider and ponder each month as a COUPLE when going through the budget.
I will start by saying, not everyone is going to be hardcore about budgeting.
Me personally, I enjoy it! I LOVE the math behind it!
I am HARDCORE google excel sheet. I probably check it at minimum once a day to see how it budgets.
The satisfaction of seeing how much extra we have toward our future goals or building our pot of savings.
I count down the days until we get paid so I can begin again. To see each electronic envelope filled up stocking our yearly vacation fund, our 15 year anniversary fund, AC and lawn yearly funds.
I look forward paying the mortgage each month and seeing our principal drop by 1100 or 1200 each time. Knowing that the equity is all ours and keeps getting bigger and bigger!
My excitement level of doing our monthly budget is comparable to Ralphie in A Christmas Story as he dreams about possibly receiving the Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range model air rifle for Christmas.
I salivate with excitement from doing a budget.
My wife…not so much.
And that’s okay! We will talk about that and why she is such an integral part of our family’s financial future.
Before I begin I want to thank our sponsors for this week’s show. They are…me, myself and I. Yep. Still me. But… if you are interested in teaming up and having your product or service advertised on an episode, please feel free to reach out. My email is michaelbkopans@gmail.com.
I’ll leave that in the show notes.
Also, if you haven’t already be sure to check out a fantastic money episode – episode 7 – 30 Ways to Increase your income.
It was a part 1 and part 2 because I had so many ideas to bring to the table for adding extra income to your budget so you can quickly save up for a $1,000 emergency fund.
Also, if you haven’t already, be sure to check out episode 2 on setting goals for 2023. I don’t care if this episode is coming out in February. It’s not too late to plan for the remaining 11 months of this year.
That episode is SOLID and a great way to win with money in 2023.
I’ll leave both of those in the show notes as well.
As well as a link to hitting subscribe so you can follow along and get weekly reminders when new episodes come out.
Okay, without further adieu, here is episode 8 – Marriage and Money. How to win with money, two is better than 1.
Let me tell you how my wife and I talk money. Have you ever seen two large, male dogs in a room together, or a play space?
When they are both dominant, alpha male creatures? All hell breaks loose, am I right?
Just takes a second for one to snap or both to snap and before you know it, both are going berserk on each other!
My wife and I, yeah, that’s what many of our money talks can look like. 12 years later and we still do it.
I know what you’re thinking, Michael, that’s just not healthy.
You know what? I disagree with you.
For the longest time I have to admit, I had this dream, this image that money talks were this calm, peaceful, we agree on everything and praise each other and we’re both SO excited to talk money and plan for our futures, type moments where we casually sip our coffees as we cuddle up on the couch.
It sounds nice, doesn’t it!
But what I learned over the years is that, life happens.
Being an adult is being tired, ALL the time.
Being an adult is being stretched too thin, ALL the time.
Being an adult and parent to more than one kid is noise and chaos ALL the time.
Being an adult is constantly being needed. Continuously pulled in 20 different directions.
Being an adult is messy and rarely do you walk into a room, with a peaceful sigh as you examine a flawlessly clean and organized room.
Everything is MESSY! Everything is busy.
You’re tired. You’re constantly people’d out. And you don’t magically come home from work and suddenly want to be around people.
Even YOUR people, your family, are people. And often they are the first to get the wrath of your expended emotions and energy.
You have no more energy to give, no more smiles, no more praise and thank yous.
You know, children tend to come home and all hell just breaks loose. They yell, scream, run around like mad men and women.
They can speak hurtful to you and their siblings.
You hear about how well they are behaved at school. How kind and respectful. Yet, you come home…to this? How are these two children one and the same?
I read that children tend to show you their real side, their tired and exhausted side. Their frustrated side or perhaps stifled voice or creativity from a long day being silenced and forced to follow rules.
They show you their voice. They show you their energy and creativity and fun side. It feels like chaos but you’re seeing a part of them that NO ONE else gets to see.
Marriage can be the same way.
Gentlemen, you enjoy a date with your wife all dolled up, turning heads at the restaurant. Two hours later you’re home, the hair is messed up, the PJs are on.
You are seeing two extreme sides of your partner. Guess who gets to see the real side? The true side? The intimate side? The PJs and messy hair and no make up side? YOU!
Learn to enjoy the messy. Learn to love the chaotic. Only you see it, hopefully. Only you experience it!
Mine and my wife’s money fights feel the same way.
She and I are both tired and worn thin. We’re home, in our relaxing clothes and ready to show our true side. Our frustrated side.
Money talks can easily bring out the build up of SO many emotions from the week.
Perhaps month.
And all at once it can easily come out from you just asking, “So, what do you think about the budget?”
But what I’ve learned is probably one of the most important pieces of wisdom I have learned in my life.
You and your partner, your spouse, are on…the same…team.
And if you aren’t, you NEED to be!
Two separate teams do NOT win together!
I’ve never seen two football programs both win the national championship.
I’ve never heard of two teams winning the NBA championship.
Either one team wins or the other.
And is that how you want your marriage to be marked? As you are trying to beat your spouse?
Be on the same team.
I heard the famous Dave Ramsey once say, lose the battle so you can win the war or something similar to that.
When asked by a caller whether arguing about one piece of the budget was worth the fight, Dave said that sometimes it’s more important to lose a line item on the budget if it means working together and growing together over the months and years.
That was hard for me to stomach, and I can’t say I always accomplish this important truth but, it has stuck with me and I am sure saved us from MANY battles.
Life throws enough trouble your way. Where is the benefit to causing more trouble with your partner in life?
You know, money isn’t the only area it is important to remember who your teammates are. Every ounce, every inch of your relationship with your spouse needs to be with the intentions of working beautifully and intimately and respectfully together.
Teammates don’t win by doing their own thing. They don’t win by bad mouthing their teammates. Putting them down. Not valuing their efforts and opinions.
Your spouse is your MOST important part of this puzzle called financial success.
Work together, as a team!
Every time you go in discussing a budget with your spouse, your partner, go in reminding yourself, the person across from you is on, your, team!
Every question asked remember, they are on, your, team!
Every disagreement that erupts remember, they are on, your, team!
Every emotion that arises, every different perspective brought to the table, every differing opinion, every idea mentioned or desire shared, remember you are on, the same team!
How many marriages would be saved by remembering that you are on the same team?
Being on a same team means that you work together. You practice together. You plan, together. You make decisions, together. You have victories, together. You lose, together. You fail, together. You get back up, together. You win, together. You experience success, together.
If you wanted to do this alone, why did you choose to play football? You should have chosen tennis. This is a two man/woman sport my friend. Work, to, gether!
And secondly, I want to share with you ideas for questions to discuss and go through.
I know from personal experience that the budget can be emotional, stressful, difficult.
One of you, or perhaps both of you really don’t want to be there.
One of you prepares a pretty spreadsheet full of numbers that tally up at the bottom of the page. You see goals. You see winning and success.
Your partner sees numbers on a page. Gibberish. They see rules and restrictions for their living. They see accountability.
Perhaps a guided list of questions will allow you and your spouse to set expectations for what this emotional time of the month may look like.
It removes hopefully the control that it appears one is trying to have over the other and allows both individuals to be held accountable for making adult decisions.
I strongly encourage you use a month or perhaps prior to a month to share the questions with your spouse, to allow them to hear the questions, to agree of using them, perhaps some, perhaps all.
Perhaps the questions inspire other thought provoking questions to be discussed.
However, when generating monthly budget questions, avoid using them to manipulate your partner. Stay away from questions that may appear to be directed at some negative actions your partner is committing within your finances.
The questions should be general and be used to guide discussion and to be questions that allow both of you to come to the table with opinions and ideas for how you will proceed each month.
Here they are:
Number 1 – What is our TOTAL income for the month? And, do we BOTH agree this is the max amount of money we are agreeing to spend?
Hash it out now. Get it out in the open. Your budget is made successful staying within the perimeters of what you make.
Perhaps this is the moment you realize that extra hours need to be worked. Perhaps a second, side job may need picked up.
Stay at home parent needs a small income from home to contribute to the pile.
How much income are you working with and, will it be enough? Discuss this right out the gates.
Number 2. What is our BASIC expense total for the month? House, rent, grocery, insurances, gas, electric, fuel, clothing.
Number 3, what is a list of ALL of our debts and what is the list of priorities for paying off each?
Yes, you are NOT going into a month just paying minimums. It’s time to have the talk.
Just because the auto company told you it would be 5 years to pay off the car, doesn’t mean that’s what YOU are going to do.
We are paying off debt this year. Let’s talk numbers. What’s first. What’s second. What’s last in priority?
Number 4, What is our TOTAL yearly income and our TOTAL yearly debt?
I think this one is best discussed Jan 1st, or perhaps what you consider to be the first of the year, depending on how you define it.
But comparing these two numbers is SO important!
Let’s say you have a $100k income and $30k in debt. How fast are you going to pay it off? Talk about this in the budget meeting.
Can we do this in two years? How about one? If we make cuts, perhaps sell some stuff?
Compare your two yearly totals to get a birds eyeview of what you’re up against. Could be discouraging. Or it could be encouraging.
Number 5, what is our plan to pay off the debt. Stop arguing about which plan to choose. Just choose one!
My wife and I followed the principles of Dave Ramsey, we paid off the smallest first, and worked our way to the largest bill. We ignored the interest because in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter.
Interest only matters if you’re taking years to pay off debt. We wanted momentum and motivation.
What’s your plan?
Ladies. Stop letting your husband be the one to say, “This is the plan we’re doing.” If you disagree, or worse, if you don’t have an opinion? That’s called being childish.
You took on the mountain of debt as equally as your spouse. Or perhaps you didn’t but, you married into it which means you promised ot love this person regardless of their mistakes or shortcomings or poor past decisions.
Therefore , you have committed to work together as a TEAM to pay this off.
What’s your plan? Making payments to your debts each month isn’t a plan. You need to know your plan of action. Your plan of attack.
Number 6, are there any major purchases coming up? Anything big for the kids at school? Any major car repairs, tires needed?
Anything that may disrupt the budget by $100 or few hundred?
Number 7, once you are out of debt, how much is our free spending fund and what are some things we want to spend free spending on this month?
Where would we like to go out to eat? Do we want to go to a movie? Do we have something we’d like to buy for enjoyment?
Free spending should be balanced. One person should NOT dominate the free spending fund every month stocking up on their gun collection.
Now, some months yea, one of you may spend more than the other. That’s okay, but pay attention to trends and, this is when you need to speak up if your partner is constantly being manipulative in spending the majority or entirety of this fund.
Number 8, what money needs to go into the envelopes? What are we saving for? Yearly vacation? Christmas? What can we spend cash on?
If you are not familiar with the envelopes, this is where you take physical envelopes and each month, whatever you are physically able to spend cash on, while being reasonable, you put that money aside in separate envelopes.
Grocery is $600 a month. That goes in an envelope.
Free spend is $300. That goes in an envelope.
Along with this we do Sinking funds. This is where you plan for big purchases coming up every 6 months to a year. AC maintenance. Tires for the car. Lawn care. Christmas. And you put a little into each envelope, each month.
Both of you should know the totals needed and the required monthly contributions to get there.
Number 9, where did we fall short last month? Too much on Amazon? Did we justify purchases that really weren’t needed? Throwing our budget off.
This requires two things, honesty and humility. Honesty to admit you went off track. Humility in knowing that you agreed to something and broke that promise.
From the other person on the other end of this…grace. We ALL make mistakes. We ALL get off track from time to time.
Okay, I am going to end with those 9. They are not all that needs to be discussed or could be discussed I am sure.
The goal in my opinion is NOT to spend an hour or more each month on this topic.
This should become a 15-20 minute conversation tops as the months progress. Occasionally a little more. Occasionally a little less.
Stop trying to drag your unwilling spouse to 4 hour long budget meetings. Keep them short and sweet.
Discuss what needs to be discussed. Shake hands in agreement, then move on with your day.
Hope this helps!
Hope this gives some structure to those of you who desire it and some accountability to those of you who need it.
I hope this framework of questions may draw you and your spouse closer together. Maybe not the first month, or second, but in time, as you find that they allow you both to stay in line with your financial goals.
Always remember, at the end of the day, I want you to win!
I believe in you. Someone in your life believes in you.
I know today you may feel like a loser. You aren’t the first and trust me, you won’t be the last.
But if you know how to lose guess what, you know how to win. So go out there and win my friends.
Go out there and have Success one win at a time. Go have Success…by 1,000 wins.
FEATURED IMAGE: Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michael Kopans is here to share ideas for helping 1 million people reach a million dollar net worth by using money principles he’s learned over the years. Let’s talk money, budgets, becoming debt free, financial wisdom, financial principles that work.
money, budget, marriage, biblical wisdom
Success by 1,000 Wins 
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